The Greenroom

Answered.Prayers.

2008-09-04T10:06:00.001-04:00

If you know me
or Tim personally, you’ve probably heard us talk about our major
financial goal. It’s pretty short and sweet:

Get 100% out of debt as fast as humanly possible.

We don’t just mean consumer debt. We mean everything. Mortgage and all. NO DEBT.

We dump every extra penny into the mortgage, and for the first 7 or
8 months of our marriage, we were really on track. But then we suddenly
had some rather large “unexpected” debts come up. I
won’t go into any details, but let’s just say it
wasn’t pocket change. Despite have a good bit in savings, we
weren’t really sure how we were going to pay it all, and we even
considered taking out a loan to cover everything, something neither of
us wanted to do. And then on top of it all, my car died.

We both prayed about it a lot, I worried myself to death about it
all wondering how we were going to pay everything off and buy a new
(used) car. When we took my car to the shop, they were able to get it
running for less than $200, and they said we could make it last for
maybe another year if we took care of it. Then somehow, in just
over one month, we got some extra money (that we don’t owe
anyone) and we were able to pay off everything.

It is really amazing and a just another reminder that I need to calm down and trust God.

God keeps telling me that, but He also knows that I have a very thick skull.

I. Want.

2008-07-31T09:05:00.001-04:00

to live in Australia...

Pastiche Teaser from dan guy on Vimeo.

Awesome

2008-07-28T13:01:00.001-04:00

My Friend Andy

2008-07-16T09:39:00.001-04:00

This blog is from my friend Andy the man that he is referencing is my Father.
I cannot begin to emphasize how much respect and admiration that I have for him...

Over the last few years, my pastor made a lot of extreme, awesome
changes in his diet, excercise and overall health. I asked him what
makes the difference when you're trying to break an old habit or
establish a new one. Here's what he had to say:
------------
Great
questions about consistency, staying the course is hard for everybody.
In complete candor let me say there are two aspects of what made me
consistent. First I had to get to a point where I was completely sick
of the direction I was heading; I hit that “enough is an
enough” spot. Deep, deep discontent is what gives birth to
change. Second I discovered the reward of discipline was indeed sweeter
than the reward of indulgence, this I found to be absolutely true. This
is what psychologists call “Operant Conditioning”. What
that means is when we engage in certain behaviors we get either
punished or rewarded. When we are rewarded we tend to repeat that
behavior over and over again. The reward factor for me was I started
looking less hideous, I started feeling better, people started
complimenting me and those positive rewards kept me going. There are
rewards for eating a whole chocolate cake – you get the sugar
high – followed by the guilt and “why did I do that”
record in your head. So the guilt for being undisciplined cancels out
the reward for messing up, with the reward of being of disciplined- it
is pure reward and it feels better than messing up ultimately. Any
indulgence- sleeping in too long and not running give a short reward,
doing the hard thing really brings a higher level reward.
-------------

That about sums it up. Awesome.

The Beauty of a Commonplace Life

2008-05-13T14:22:00.002-04:00

by Nathan Zacharias

I lead a pretty normal life. Every morning, Monday through Friday, I get up and go to work, but only after an epic battle with the alarm clock. At work I quietly go about my business, making phone calls, sending e-mails and so on. At 4:30 I shut down my computer, get in the car and go home. My evenings are spent with family or friends, and by watching a little TV. Somewhere in the day I'll find time to visit Chick-Fil-A or Starbucks.

On the weekend I'll stay up a little later and sleep in a little longer. I'll attempt to do some writing, relax with friends and family some more, and I'll still visit Chick-Fil-A and Starbucks. I guess what I'm trying to say is this: I'm not exactly making global headlines. And that, at times, has been something I've struggled with.

It's not that I have this huge desire for fame and fortune. Well, the fortune part would be nice, but that's beside the point. I've always been someone who is a little more comfortable when I'm behind the scenes. I've also been someone who longs to be able to try and make a difference in this world. But I'm not speaking to packed auditoriums, I'm not a CEO, I'm not a star athlete, and I'm not putting my life on the line by defending my country in hostile settings. I've witnessed the way God can use those gifts and positions to help change the world. And there have been many times where I've struggled with feeling like my simple life is not accomplishing very much in the big picture.

In his essay, The Poppies in the Corn, F.W. Boreham finds inspiration in a poppy field he saw as a boy in Beachy Head, UK. As he recalls the field, he talks of the strikingly crimson poppies splashed upon the backdrop of the cornfields. In a beautiful and vivid way, Boreham beautifully describes the scarlet color of the poppies and the way they catch the eye of anyone passing by.

But then he draws a powerful lesson from this sight. Yes, the poppies are the ones that seem to make the biggest impact on those taking in the scenic view. But quickly the viewer realizes that the poppies' color is made radiant because of the golden color of the cornfields. Their strengths compliment each other. They are "equally lovely," in Boreham's words, and they both need each other. Alone, they both lose some of their radiance. Together, they cause people to simply stop and look.

The same holds true for the roles God gives each one of us. Some of us are the poppies that make the initial impact. Some of us are the golden cornfields that surround, support, and help the poppy stand out. Neither side belittles the other, but rather, they help the other shine.

It's a beautiful and powerful illustration from the English preacher. But sometimes, it can still be a difficult truth to believe. My grandfather was one such doubter.

My grandfather, Lindsay Reynolds, was a good man. To say that is probably one of the greatest understatements anyone could ever make. But it's difficult to find the words to adequately describe the man who is my hero.

Grandpa was small in stature, but big in courage and loyalty. He fought bravely in World War II in his early 20s, and when he returned, he worked hard and served at the same company until he retired. He was quiet with his words, because he let the twinkle in his eye and the strength of his character do the talking for him. He didn't make millions, but he had a heart of gold. He served my grandmother and their four daughters every way he knew how, and they meant more to him than anything else in the world. And before he passed away, he made sure my grandmother knew that when he spoke his last words: "I love you."

Perhaps the most surprising thing about my grandfather is that he had no clue just how wonderfully he led his life. In fact, in many ways he felt himself a failure. But nothing could be further from the truth. And as he battled cancer in the final months of his life, God used that time to help him see just how much he meant to so many people.

He received numerous letters and cards from those who wanted to let him know just how much his example, his friendship, and his life had meant to them. Some were from people he knew very well. Others were like the woman from the church he and my grandmother attended, who thanked him for helping her with her coat by the entrance one day as she prepared to go out into the cold.

We don't have to make headlines to be a success in life. It's not the news we make or the attention we get that determines whether or not we are making a difference in this world. It's the cause we serve. God has created each and every one of us, and he's given us very specific gifts that He will use to help further His kingdom. For some, it's the responsibility of success and using that to represent the Faith in the public eye. For others, it's the duty to support and encourage those on the front lines. As Boreham said, one is not greater than the other. It is a team effort.

And ultimately, each of us has the chance to make a difference every day. It's not in the awards we win; it's in the character we hold to in our day to day lives. My grandfather helped me see that professional achievements aren't what make the difference in the world. It's living a life that strives to honor the Lord, even when no one else is watching. When you help someone put their coat on, you may be helping them with a lot more than you realize.

A commonplace life, we say and we sigh,
But why should we sigh as we say?
The commonplace sun and the commonplace sky
Makes up the commonplace day.
The moon and the stars are commonplace things,
And the flower that blooms and the bird that sings;
But dark were the world and sad our lot,
If the flowers failed and the sun shone not.
And God who studies each separate soul
Out of the commonplace lives makes His beautiful whole.
—Anonymous

8 ways to make dinner time, quality time

2008-04-30T13:20:00.001-04:00

Dinner
is generally the only meal a family can spend together as school and
work often mean everyone leaves the house at different times in the
morning and lunch obviously isn't an option. But dinner, ah yes,
dinner... everyone is home and has an opportunity to spend some time
together before departing separate ways for soccer practices,
rehearsals, honey-do's and other evening activities.

I imagine
most people wish they could spend more time with their families and
having dinner together each night is an ideal way to do that - to block
out the rest of the world and interact with each other. Here are eight
ways to make eating dinner together as a family more meaningful.

1. Turn off the TV.
Focus on your family, not the TV. Watching TV during dinner 1. is a
crutch because you don't know what to talk about or 2. tells your kids
what's on TV is more important than them. Harsh, perhaps, but it can be
perceived that way. It's family dinner, not TV dinner. If you're that
worried about missing something, TiVo it.

2. No cell phones/texting.
Sorry kids. The next hour is dedicated to family. Everyone (including
parents) turn off your cell phones. And, no, putting them on vibrate
isn't an option.

3. Sit at the table. As opposed to the
couch, when at the table everyone is facing each other instead of
(let's be honest here) the TV. It makes the gathering about each other
instead of outside distractions.

4. Prepare healthy meals.
It's important that meals not just fill, but nourish your family. It's
not to say that having pizza for dinner is never a good thing, but it
should be the exception more than the rule. By providing healthy,
nutritious food you're showing your family you care about them enough
to put the effort into feeding them quality food. We grab enough junk
during the day in snacking and eating out that dinner can be, and in my
opinion, should be, healthy.

5. Work through the awkwardness.
I know this sounds a bit odd, but you might not be used to sitting
around as a family for extended periods of time without the TV on. At
first, that could mean conversations might seem forced and a little
awkward, especially if you have teenagers. Just be genuine and
persistent. As it becomes routine people will open up more. Keep at it
- it will get better.

6. Don't rush. Enjoy the meal. We
tend to get in the habit of scarfing down our food and moving on to the
next thing on our agenda. While that may be necessary if you're
squeezing in lunch at work, it shouldn't happen at home. Eating slower
has a number of benefits: you'll enjoy the food more, you'll generally
eat less and eating will change from a stressful event to a relaxing,
happy thing you can look forward to each day.

7. Stay put.
Just because you're plate's empty doesn't mean you're done with the
meal. My in-laws are particularly good at sitting at the table for a
while after everyone's done and just...hanging out. My father in-law
will ask someone to bring him some cookies and we'll sit around, pick
at the food that's left on the table and continue our conversation.
It's a wonderful, often hilarious experience.

8. Everyone help clean up.
Make sure everybody helps with dishes/cleanup. Not only does this
extend the time you're spending together as a family, but everyone
understands they have a responsibility to help with the meal, not just
the preparer of the food. Even little kids can wipe down the table
afterward with a wet cloth so they have a sense of ownership. Of
course, saying, "I've got it, you go sit down and relax" and giving
everyone else a night off is a welcome gesture too. Just make sure it's
not the same person always saying it. :)

Dinner has a lot of
potential as far as quality family time goes. These things have been
beneficial to me and my family in making the most of it.

Do you
have any other suggestions? What do you do to make dinner a special
time for your family? Please leave some ideas in the comments.

LivSimpl

Quitting Things and Flakiness the #1 Productivity Anti-Hack/

2008-04-25T14:10:00.001-04:00

Modern life has us enmeshed in a web of unwanted and unnecessary commitments. Most of us spend the majority of our time doing things we don’t want to do.
We join committees because we think they’ll look good on our
resumes, go to birthday parties out of obligation, attend inane
meetings, stay in bad relationships out of fear, take on unwanted work
projects to gain favor with our bosses, stay in jobs we don’t
like instead of quitting.

Unwanted commitments seem to beget more unwanted commitments.
They’re like lies: they multiply fast. If you take on an
unwanted project to please your boss, then the next time a similar
project comes by she’ll throw it in your lap. If you
unhappily go to an acquaintances birthday party out of sense of
obligation, they’re likely to invite you over for dinner, or call
you more often. You get my drift.

What Does this Have to do with Productivity?

Well, it’s common knowledge that productivity naturally
emerges from passion: when we love what we’re doing, productivity
becomes irrelevant. The corollary is that being unproductive results from doing things you’d rather not do.

And while it’s a stretch to say that demand for productivity
material is driven purely by job dissatisfaction and passionless
living, I’m quite certain that the booming productivity industry
would be far less lucrative without an overworked, overwhelmed, and
continually stressed workforce. It’s not the fault of
productivity experts, they’re just responding to market demand
and they’ve done excellent jobs. It’s just that elaborate productivity systems have all too often become crutches for passionate living.
These systems are largely geared towards helping people do things
they’d rather not be doing. There are people living
passionately who still need productivity systems, but they’re the
exception rather than the rule.

The problem isn’t that people don’t have passions. Half of the bored-out-their-mind
workforce knows what they’d do if they weren’t so damn
busy, and the other half would find their calling if they only had
enough time to come up for air and breathe. The problem isn’t lack of passion, it’s lack of energy. It’s lack of time.
Perhaps a better time management system, or any number of hacks, would
help. But these things are often temporary fixes for an un-ideal
situation.

Passion and Productivity

Like many others, I’ve been quick to point out that the direct
route to productivity is being passionate about what you do. This observation, however, is largely an academic point
that doesn’t do much to help the problem. Very few people
hear that passion will make them productive and then-out of a
dedication to productivity-immediately proceed to follow their dreams
and become more productive. So, instead of talking about how
passion will make you more productive, I’d like to re-frame the
conversation by saying this . . .

Unwanted Tasks are the the #1 Cause of your Productivity Problems

If you only did things you wanted to do, you’d probably be the most productive person in the world.

Q: What’s the solution?
A: Stop doing things you don’t want to do.

Of course it’s not that simple, and
I’ll be spending the rest of this blog post trying to make sure
that this solution isn’t an oversimplification.

De-Simplification

OK, we all know that there are some things we have to do to
avoid imprisonment and being horrible human beings. We have to
pay taxes, we have to take care of our children (hopefully this is a
joy), etc. The problem is that most people are very bad at differentiating between these very real non-negotiables and fictional non-negotiables.

What I’m saying is that if you want ultimate productivity you
might want to think about aggressively removing everything you
don’t want to do from your life. Declutter your headspace.

Some Lists of Things you Don’t Have to Do

You simply don’t have to…

Return all phone calls
Respond to all email (I have 258 unread messages in my inbox right now)
Stay on that committee you joined to pad your resume
Take opportunities that “you’d be stupid to pass up”
Stay in college
Stay in grad school

It’s not necessary to…

Hang out with friends you only kind-of sort-of like
Stick with everything you start
Live up to others’ expectations of you
Have a respectable career, own a home, and be married by the time you’re 35, 45, or 55

In order to make time for renewal, you might have to…

Not buy great/cool/expensive birthday and Christmas gifts for everyone
Make your husband file his own papers
Let those who have become unhealthily dependent upon you take responsibility for their own lives

In order to jump-start passionate living again you might have to…

Stop being an (unnecessarily) “responsible” person
Quit projects that are no longer relevant
Be happy with a less than permanently clean home

In order to come alive, you might have to…

Pursue an occupation that doesn’t put your insanely expensive degree to use
Move back in with your parents
Work a low-status, low-paying job in order to make time for your new endeavor
Come to terms with your messy home
Completely and utterly ignore your parent’s and friend’s expectations of you

If you really want to live passionately, you’ll need to
consider leaving nearly everything you’re not passionate
about. To live passionately you may have to quit your job, sell
your home, rent a small apartment, and live simply for a while.

To get off the treadmill you’ll have to realize that your high IQ does not obligate you to work 80-hour weeks in high-status professional career. Your high IQ also doesn’t obligate you to get a Ph.D., or to put on any other golden handcuffs.

In order to de-clutter all the crap in your life, you might have to
quit a lot of things. You might have to say no hundreds of
times. You might have to back out of several commitments.
And you’ll very definitely run an incredibly high risk of looking
like a flake, coming across as arrogant and ungrateful, and
disappointing people who love you. It’s an understatement
to say that . . .

All of This Takes Chutzpa, and is Scary as Hell

It’s scary as hell
not just because it requires hundreds of leaps of faith, but also
because people will aggressively resist your liberation. (For the
best illustrations I’ve seen on this topic, check out The Well).
People stuck on the treadmill of life have often invested a lot of time
and anxiety buying into all the “shoulds” of life.
Your liberation will threaten their mode of existence. Lots of
people have devoted themselves to following, and strictly enforcing,
societal rules, and your liberation will threaten the very foundation
of their false parallel universe. By breaking free,
dropping down the rabbit hole, taking the red pill, etc. you will
challenge numerous false assumptions, and you may sadly loose
friendships. I have. It sucks.

I want to emphasize that it’s not quitting things and being
flaky that will make you productive, it’s the aggressive
elimination of everything that doesn’t make you come alive.
You have to clear the weeds to make way for a garden of authentic living.

This is a lot of sacrifice for the sake of getting things done, and you may be thinking . . .

Why Do All This for Productivity?

The answer is that none of this should be done for
productivity’s sake. In the grand scheme of things,
productivity is mostly irrelevant. No one lying on their death
bed wishes they had implemented a better time management system, or
created a ticker file, or been more diligent about emptying their
inboxes each week. They may, however, wish that they’d quit
their 30-year-old dead-end job, spent more time with family or
children, and actually traveled the world or wrote that novel.

Quitting, “Flakiness,” and Escape: Not for Its Own Sake

All of this quitting and flakiness is certainly not for its own sake; it shouldn’t become a way of life or your primary mode of existence. Leaving,
quitting, backing out should not become a habit. Escape should
not become your primary means for solving difficult problems.
The elimination discussed in this article is for the sole purpose of
creating space to grow a beautiful life, and as you eliminate, be sure
to replace all your “shoulds” with joyful work and
authentic endeavors.

Simple Manifesto: Break Free from the Tyranny of the Clock

2008-04-24T09:22:00.001-04:00

For tens of thousands of years, human beings didn’t have
clocks. They lived, amazingly, by the sun and the moon and seasons and
the needs and rhythms of their bodies.

The clock is a very very recent invention, and even more recent is
our modern society’s slavish adherence to the dictatorship of the
clock.

Only very recently have we been forced to work from 8 to 5, and to
go to school and follow a very rigid class schedule. Only very recently
have we become obsessed with tracking and making use of every minute,
so that we have things to do when we’re waiting for other things
to happen.

Only recently did we begin to lose our humanity, begin to lose the
art of conversation and the art of listening to our bodies, begin to
lose sight of what’s really important and begin to become robots.

I’m as guilty as anyone else, but as I simply my life I begin
to question the culture that surrounds me and wonder why it is that I
feel so pressured to do things so quickly, by a timeline or schedule
set by others, to be so productive when what I really want is to be
happy.

Have you ever felt that way? I know I’m not alone.

I have a solution, and it’s not original I’m sure but it
surely isn’t as common as it should be: break free from the
clock. Get in touch with the rhythms of life, of your body and of
nature. Be more relaxed and reject the notion that time rules us.

The Benefits of Being Free of Clockhood

Now, I’m not saying that we should throw our clocks and
watches away (though I don’t own a watch) … I’m not
saying we should all quit our jobs and go live in the woods. I know
that my reality is different from most people, as I’m my own boss
— but ask yourself, is it possible for you to be your own boss?
And if not, is it possible at least to find a job where you can set
your own schedule? For many people, it is possible. For others, you
won’t be able to live all the tenets of this manifesto, but you
can change smaller things, here and there.

Why should you change things? Because the clock is meaningless
— we follow it without really realizing why. We follow it because
we’ve been raised to believe we should, and because those who
control us (bosses, corporations, schools, etc.) set schedules we must
follow. The clock, then, is a means to control us — and that, in
my book, is as good a reason to break free from it as any.

Beyond issues of freedom, breaking free from the clock is healthier.
It’s healthier to follow your natural sleep rhythms, to eat when
you’re hungry rather than when it’s time to eat, to live a
more relaxed schedule rather than to be stressed out all the time
trying to meet deadlines and follow artificial schedules.

How to Break Free

It’s probably not advisable to try to change your life
drastically, if you are interested in breaking free of the
clock’s tyranny. Change things a little at a time. Below are a
few things I’ve been doing, or that I’m trying to do, that
you might consider. You don’t have to do all of them — pick
one and give it a try, and see if it is useful. The list, of course,
isn’t comprehensive, but I hope it helps you spark some ideas of
your own.

Don’t eat on the clock. Why do you think
we’re taught to eat “three squares a day”? In human
history, this is a very strange concept. People used to eat when they
were hungry (or at least, when the food was available), not at
predetermined times of the day. The answer, of course, is that it is a
better structure for industrialized corporations — people, in the
early days of working in factories, had to be broken from their natural
eating patterns and only given one meal break a day. Too many eating
breaks means lost profits! So we learned to eat before work, then once
during work, then after work. Partly as a result of that, we’re
ravenous during lunch and dinner times, and we overeat. And we eat
unhealthy stuff because of our ravenous hunger, and we get fat.
Instead, learn to listen to your body, and eat when you get a little
hungry. Grazing is a good thing, actually. Eat healthy stuff if you
can, and don’t eat beyond what it takes to satisfy your
body’s hunger. Don’t eat if you’re not hungry just
because it’s time to eat. Learn to trust your body’s hunger
signals, and you’ll become much healthier.
Don’t work on the clock. We work on set
schedules for the same reason — for corporations to maximize
profits. But we don’t need to be controlled by corporations. If
you have the chance to set your own schedule, learn to find the times
when you have the most energy, and do your important work at these
times. Learn to follow your passion, and do work that gets you excited,
and you’ll do a better job. Many companies these days allow
people to change their schedules and work from anywhere — these
are the companies you want to work for (unless you can find a way to
work for yourself). These are the companies of the future, that
recognize that people aren’t robots and need to be able to work
whenever they want, as long as they get the work done.
Do fewer things. This is a maxim of Zen Habits, of
course — do the important stuff, not just busywork. Do less, but
focus on the high-impact stuff. I’m repeating it here because
it’s an important cornerstone of the clockless method: if you do
fewer things, you can do them at a more relaxed pace, instead of
rushing to try to do everything within a set schedule. This rule
applies not only to your work life, but to your life in general —
do fewer errands, chores, civic activities, etc. in order to have a
more relaxed schedule.
A more relaxed schedule. Once you’ve learned
to do fewer things, and to work when your energy is high, you can learn
to structure your day at a more relaxed pace. Leave lots of space
between appointments so that you have transition time to get ready, to
get to where you need to go, to finish up what you were doing, without
having to rush. Or better yet, avoid making appointments. Know what you
want to do today, but do them in any order you like and at whatever
time works best for you.
Meditate and/or exercise. These two related
activities allow you to get more in touch with yourself, you inner
mind, and with the world around you. If you sit in an office all day,
when will you get outside to breathe fresh air and see what the sky
looks like? If you don’t stop doing the million things you do
every day, when will you be able to close your eyes and listen to what
is happening within you? While you don’t need to meditate or
exercise every day, I highly recommend it.
Take naps. Naps have been given a bad name (though
they seem to be making a comeback), mostly because people who take naps
are seen as lazy. Yet in many countries outside the United States,
people take regular naps in the afternoons (think siestas) and in my
opinion, this is a more enlightened way of living. Since working from
home, I have discovered the power of the nap, and have come to look
forward to it almost as much as I look forward to exercise. When you
find yourself getting tired in the middle of the day, listen to your
body and sleep.
Learn to listen to your intuition. We have become
out of touch with our intuitions. Now, I’m not a new-agey hippy
type (not that there’s anything wrong with that), but I do
believe that listening to our bodies and our non-rational minds has a
lot of value. It is healthier and saner. However, it’s not easy
to learn — it takes time, and it takes listening. Try it today,
and see if you can stop resisting your intuition and live more in tune
with yourself.
Take time to talk and connect. How many times have
you run into a friend or family member, said a quick hello, and then
moved on because you were in a hurry? When did we lose touch with our
fellow human beings? I believe that this is a key to our
dehumanization, to our becoming robots: we no longer connect with other
people as much as we used to do. We’ve lost the skills necessary
to have an enjoyable, relaxed conversation. We’ve lost the
institutions that encourage discussion and debate and thinking and
participation. Instead, we watch TV and stare at the computer and sit
in our cubicles and our one-person cars and rarely if ever make human
contact. This separation disempowers us (if that’s even a word,
but it should be), and makes us powerless and inhuman. Instead, next
time you see someone you know (or even if you don’t know them),
stop, breathe, smile, relax, talk, listen.
Spend time on the important things. Another maxim
of Zen Habits, of course: learn to step back and think about
what’s important in your life. Learn to spend time doing these
things instead of the things that have naturally come to fill your
life. Forget about schedules and clocks and instead focus on
what’s important. You’ll be glad you did.

The Real Cost of Financial Clutter on the Road to a Remarkable Life

2008-03-26T14:27:00.003-04:00

Our latest guest post during our month of sharing comes from Trent Hamm, the writer behind The Simple Dollar,
a blog focusing on personal finance and personal development. Be sure
to check out his blog after reading this truly inspiring piece.

Every time you spend a dollar, you sacrifice a bit of your future.

Five years ago, I believed the above sentence was foolishness. I was
24 years old, working at a high paying job, and about to get married to
a wonderful woman. I had just spent almost ten thousand dollars on a
wedding ring and an exorbitant honeymoon in Europe, and I was actively
shopping for a new vehicle because, well, my current ride just
wasn’t quite good enough.

Roll forward three years. I had $17,000 in credit card debt and
literally not enough money to pay my bills. A good chunk of the debt
incurred for that honeymoon still sat on the credit cards. My wife,
son, and I lived together in a tiny apartment, trying to figure out
what we were going to do next.

Everywhere I looked around me in that apartment, I saw stuff I
didn’t need. Video game consoles piled high under the television,
along with a small mountain of games for the consoles. Over a thousand
DVDs. A gigantic television set that dwarfed our living room, looking
almost comically out of place. A huge collection of Magic: the
Gathering cards. So many books that half of our child’s bedroom
consisted of bookshelves. Two nearly-new cars sitting outside.

And yet I felt empty inside. I held my child close, thinking about all of the things I wanted to give to him, but instead I had chosen to spend all of my money on stuff

Every time you spend a dollar, you sacrifice a bit of your future.

Today, not only do I believe deeply in that sentence, it underlines
every choice I make in life. I turned that disastrous ship around,
realized that all of that stuff was standing in the way of my passions
and dreams, and in just two short years, I found enough financial
freedom to do what I’ve always wanted to do: quit my nine to five
job, stay at home, and focus entirely on my family and on my passion
for writing.

The name of this blog, Unclutterer, really underlines the
entire idea. Clutter exists in all aspects of our life, not only in the
way we arrange items in our office and in our home, but in how we
manage our time and manage our money. Clutter is distraction from the
big picture, in every way, shape, and form. Clutter can even blind you
and choke you if it grows out of control.

Financial clutter is a particularly insidious form of clutter,
because it winds through so many aspects of our life. Much of the
clutter in our office and home has a financial cost to it, meaning that
we actually spent some money to create that clutter. The cluttering of
our time is also financial clutter - if we waste our time on things
that drain our money or don’t earn as much as we potentially can,
we’re draining our financial plans of a great deal of vitality.

Here are six great steps that you can do immediately to reduce the
financial clutter in your life - and begin to open the path to a truly
remarkable life.

Calculate the true value of your time.
Figure up how much you earn in a year. Now, subtract from that the cost
of transporting yourself to and from work, the cost of work clothes,
the cost of income taxes, and any other costs that your job foists upon
you (like entertaining coworkers, for example). Now, figure up how many
hours you actually work in a year, and add to that the time spent
transporting yourself to and from work, the “extra” time
spent working when at home, the time spent buying work-related
materials, the time spent schmoozing with coworkers, the time spent on
business trips, the time you “need” to spend unwinding
after work, and any other time investments you make at work. Then
divide the calculated amount you make by the number of hours you work
for the year. That’s how much you really value an hour of your life. Know that number. Remember that number. It’s important.

Physically unclutter your living space. Go through all
of your possessions and ask yourself whether you actually use it or
not. Is it something that has honestly provided value for your life?
Look for books you’ve not read, DVDs you’ve only watched a
time or two, unplayed games, unlistened music, collections of things
that you no longer feel passionate about, and so on. Gather up all of
this stuff and estimate how much you’ve spent on it. Then divide
it by the value of your time that you calculated above, and if you want
to, divide that by 40 (so you can see this in terms of weeks).
That’s how much of your life you spent working so you could have
this stuff. When I first did this, I estimated that I had spent two years of work accumulating stuff I barely use.

The next step is to get rid of all of this stuff and make a clean
break. Eliminate the stuff that you’re not using, haven’t
used, and likely won’t use again. Get some degree of financial
return out of this stuff in any way you can. Don’t worry about
maximizing your return - you rarely will be able to make back the value
of your time by seeking out a slightly higher return for the stuff.
Then take that money and put it into the bank - it’s now your
emergency fund so you don’t have to turn to credit cards when
something bad happens.

Set some big goals - and remind yourself of them all the time.
This is an effective way to de-clutter your mind. Sit down and figure
out what your true big goals are. My goals were to spend more time with
my children and write for a living - that’s what I really wanted
to do more than anything else. Your goals may differ, but spend some
time really searching within yourself to know what they are. Focus in
on just one, two, or perhaps three goals that really speak to the core
of your life.

Once you’ve figured out what you’re really shooting for,
let most of the other stuff in your life melt away. If you’re
focused on becoming a full-time writer, don’t burden yourself
with chasing promotions at work. If you’re focused on being a
great parent, don’t spend your mental energy worrying about
social obligations in the neighborhood. Focus in on your goal and use
all of your energy to reach that goal.

The best way I’ve found of keeping on focus with the goal is
to put visual reminders of the goal all over the place. My desktop
wallpaper is a picture of my children, and I keep pictures of them
everywhere. I also keep notepads everywhere to make it easy for me to
jot down thoughts - and also to remind myself of my writing dreams.

Use the true value of your time - and those visual reminders of your big dreams - every time you consider making a purchase. Let’s say the true value of your time came out to be $5 an hour (it can easily
be this low, even at a “good” job). You’re at the
store and you’re lusting after buying a Nintendo Wii - it’s
$270 after taxes. That’s 54 hours of your life spent working for
someone else so you can buy something else to clutter up your home.
Even better, that’s $270 - or 54 hours - taken away from your big
dream.

This works well for small purchases, too. Is that latte worth an
actual hour of your life spent working? Is one latte a week for a year
worth 52 hours of your life - more than an entire work week? Might that
$270 not go better helping you save to make that dream come true,
perhaps by helping you build up the financial cushion you need to quit
your job and follow that crazy dream?

Go through every. single. monthly. bill.
Many of the bills you receive every month have some sort of extra fee
in it. Look at your cell phone bill, for instance. Are all of those
features something you really need to pay for, every single month?
Figure out what you don’t need - what’s just
cluttering up your bill - then ring up your cell phone company and get
those “features” dropped. Look at your credit card bill. Is
that finance charge ridiculously high? Call up your credit card company
and request a rate reduction. If the first person you talk to says no,
ask to talk to a supervisor.

Even better are bills you can eliminate entirely. We used to
subscribe to Netflix, but we were scarcely watching two movies a month,
so we cancelled the service. Now, if we get the itch to watch a movie,
we just go rent one or download one — it’s far cheaper than
the Netflix grind. We used to be members at a gym, but now we get most
of our exercise at home or by jogging around the block, so there goes
another substantial chunk of financial clutter.

De-clutter your debt. Make a list of every
single debt you have - credit cards, student loans, car loans,
mortgages, and anything else you have. Write down the total amount you
owe and the interest rate you’re paying on that debt. Order them
by interest rate. Then, each month, make the minimum payment on each of
them, then make a substantial extra payment on the highest interest
debt. When that debt disappears, move on to the next one on the list
until they’re all gone.

The best way to do this is to create a “virtual bill”
for you to pay each month. Figure out an amount that you can afford
without too much hassle - say, $200 - and then each month give yourself
a bill for that amount. That bill is payable to whichever debt is on
top of the list.

Leave 3 Things Unsaid: The Secret to a Good Marriage

2008-03-11T10:06:00.001-04:00

By Realsimple.com

When I got engaged, a friend passed along a piece of advice that
she’d heard from her boss: “In a good marriage, both
spouses leave three things unsaid each day.”

I was
surprised. I thought her advice would be something like,
“Remember to say ‘I love you,’” or “Be
sure to say ‘Thanks.’” I couldn’t imagine why I
would have to leave things unsaid.

Well, now I know. And I realize that this advice was tremendously useful.

I
only manage to follow the advice part of the time, but just in the last
few days, I’ve left unsaid the following statements:

 I’ve told you that three times already.
 You said you’d try to come, but are you really going to try?
 Can’t you do it this time?
 Don’t stay up late tonight and then, tomorrow afternoon, tell me that you need a nap.
 Can’t we talk about this now?

And these are just the statements I can think of off the top of my head.

Research
backs up my friend’s advice to “leave things unsaid.”
Studies show that one fact of human nature is that people have a
“negativity bias”: we react to the bad more strongly and
persistently than to the comparable good.

For example, within a marriage, it takes at least five good acts to repair the damage of one critical or destructive act.

So,
by refraining from making an obnoxious comment, I’m actually
doing a lot more to preserve the happiness of my marriage than by
making a nice comment. The negative drags us down farther than the
positive lifts us up.

Another fact of human nature is that, although we think that we act because of the way we feel, we actually feel because of the way we act. By changing our actions, we can change our emotions.

If
I act critical, annoyed, or resentful, I’m going to feel
critical, annoyed, or resentful. On the contrary, if I act considerate
and patient, I’ll feel considerate and patient.

And
the huge benefit is that not only do I feel nicer—by acting in a
nicer way, I provoke a nicer response in my husband. Together, we
change the atmosphere of our marriage.

50 Tips for Grocery Shopping

2008-03-10T12:16:00.001-04:00

As you might already know, I’ve got a big family — the
wife and I plus six rugrats. Plus a cat and a dog. We can go through an
awful lot of food. Groceries (along with the rent and car and gas) are
one of our biggest expenses. I allocate as much in our budget as I can
to groceries, simply because I want to make sure we’re never
short on food. Also, cooking our own food is just so much less
expensive than eating out.

And as I figure that most of my readers, whether they have big
families or not, go grocery shopping now and then, I thought I’d
pass along some of my favorite tips. These are not all my original tips
— I’ve picked up dozens over the years from magazines,
books and websites. But these are the best of them, plus some
I’ve figured out on my own.

So pick and choose from among these tips, which I hope will be of use to you and your family:

Always go with a list. If you go without a list,
you may as well just throw your money away. Better yet, donate it to me
— I probably need it more than you. :) Seriously, though, you
need to prepare a list of everything you need, pulling from your weekly
menu (next tip) and checking to make sure you don’t have it in
your pantry, fridge or freezer. Make sure you’re not forgetting
anything. Now stick to that list.
Plan out a weekly menu. This is the best way to
ensure that your list is complete, and that you have enough to serve
your family dinner for the week. I often plan a weekly menu and then
duplicate it for the next week — this way I can shop for two
weeks at once. Be sure to plan a leftovers night.
Don’t go when you’re hungry. This is a
common tip, but it’s true: when you’re hungry, you want to
buy all kinds of junk. You’ll end up spending a lot more. Eat a
good meal first, and you’ll be more likely to stick to your list.
Have a budget. When I go to the store, I know
exactly how much I can spend. Then I try my best to stick within that
limit. If you don’t know how much you can spend, you’ll
certainly spend too much.
Do a rough running tally. Related to the above
tip, if you want to stay within your budget, it’s best to know
where you’re at. Then, when you can see you’re going to go
above it, you can decide whether you really need that 10-lb. box of bon
bons. I keep a running tally on my grocery list, just rounding off so I
can do some quick math. An item costs $1.85? I say $2. Then I
don’t need a calculator or all those complicated math skills.
Keep a list on your fridge, and write things down immediately.
When you run out of something, don’t leave it to your memory. Jot
it down immediately, and you’ll never have to run back to the
store because you don’t have eggs.
Make a pantry checklist. Make a checklist of
everything you normally stock in your pantry. Keep it posted on the
pantry. Put a slash next to each item for the number of items you have
(if you have two cans of stewed tomatoes, put two slashes). Then, when
you use something, turn the slash into an x. This makes it much easier
when it comes time to make your list.
Keep things stocked for quick-n-easy meals. Easy
meals for us might be spaghetti or mac-n-cheese or a quick stir-fry.
We’ve always got the ingredients on hand, so we can whip
something up fast when we’re feeling lazy.
Buy in bulk when it makes sense. If you can save
money, over the course of a month or two, by buying in bulk, plan to do
so. But be sure that you’re going to use all of it before it gets
bad — it isn’t cheaper to buy in bulk if you don’t
use it.
Keep your receipts, then enter into a spreadsheet.
This will be your price list. Use it so you know when bulk or sale
items are a good deal. It’s also a great way to comparison shop
between stores — buy your baking goods in Store A but your fresh
fruits in Store B. The spreadsheet can also serve as a checklist to use
when you’re compiling your shopping list.
Buy frozen veggies. While fresh veggies are a
little better, frozen veggies are almost as good, and much better than
nothing. And since you can keep them in the freezer, they rarely go bad.
When you’re running low, write it down.
Don’t wait until you run out. when you see there’s only
three toilet paper rolls left, put it on your list. Because when you
run out, it will be too late. :)
Cut back on meat. Meat is expensive. We have
vegetarian meals several times a week (think pasta or chili) and for
other meals, you could just use a little meat as a kind of seasoning
instead of the main ingredient — think Asian, Indian and other
such cultural food. Actually, I eat vegetarian all the time, but the
wife and kids do a little of each.
Pack your own lunch snacks. Buying pre-made snacks
is convenient, but a big waste of money. Buy little baggies and buy the
snacks in bulk, then it will take just a few minutes to pack some
snacks for lunch each day.
Make leftovers for lunch. Plan to cook a bit extra
for each dinner, so that you’ll have leftovers for your lunch and
for the kids’ lunches. Pack it right away, after dinner, so you
don’t have to worry about it in the morning.
Cook a lot, then freeze. Alternatively, you can
cook a whole mess of spaghetti (for example) and freeze it for multiple
dinners. A great idea is to use one Sunday and cook a week’s (or
even a month’s) worth of dinners. Plan 5-6 freezable dinners and
cook them all at once.
Always have batteries, toilet tissue and light bulbs.
And other necessities that you always seem to run out of — buy a
whole bunch when they’re on sale, or buy in bulk. Be sure to
check to see if you have these items before you go to the store.
Try crock pot dinners. We discovered these in the
last year, and they are easy and cheap and tasty. Cut up a bunch of
ingredients, throw them in the pot in the morning, and have dinner
ready for you when you get home. Can anything be more perfect than
that? I submit that it cannot.
Clip coupons. I know, sometimes they seem like too
much trouble. But it’s not really that hard to clip a few coupons
and toss them in a coupon envelop to take on your grocery shopping
trip. And you can save 10-20% of your bottom line with coupons. Check
store entrances, newspaper and flyers for coupons.
Only use coupons for items you were already planning to buy. Don’t let them trick you into buying something that’s not on your list, just to “save” money.
Look for specials. Every store has specials. Be
sure to look for them in the newspaper, or when you get to the store
(they often have unadvertised specials — look on the higher and
lower shelves for deals). Don’t buy them unless they’re
things you always use.
Try the store brands. Brand names are often no
better than generic, and you’re paying for all the advertising
they do to have a brand name. Give the store brand a try, and often you
won’t notice a difference. Especially if it’s an ingredient
in a dish where you can’t taste the quality of that individual
ingredient.
Cut back on your “one-item” trips.
They waste gas, and almost inevitably, you buy more than that one item.
If you plan ahead, make a weekly menu, and shop with a list, this
should drastically reduce the number of trips you make for a small
number of items. But if you still find yourself running out for a few
items, analyze the reason — are you not making a good list, are
you forgetting some items from your list? Stock up on the things you
frequently go out for.
Sugar cereals are a bad buy. Lots of money for no nutrition. Look for whole grain cereals with low sugar. Add fruit for better flavor.
Be watchful at the register. Keep an eye on the scanner — you’ll keep the cashier on his toes, and catch any mis-priced items.
When there’s a sale, stock up. Sale items can be a great deal. If it’s an item you normally use, buy a bunch of them.
Comparison shop. Look at the different brands for
a certain type of product, including store brands. Sometimes there will
be a significant difference. Be sure you’re comparing apples to
apples — you need to divide the price by the amount (ounces,
pounds, etc.) in order to get the comparable unit price.
Go during slow times. One of my favorite times to
shop is late at night. But during working hours or other non-peak times
is good too. Avoid right after 5 p.m., on paydays and near major
holidays.
Know when the store stocks its fresh fruits and veggies.
In my area, that makes a big difference. Fruits and veggies can go bad
quickly, because they have to be shipped. So I know that the store
re-stocks on Thursdays, and so I usually go on Thursdays or Fridays,
otherwise I’ll be getting old items.
Plan one big trip a month for bulk staples. You
can get fresh items at another store on other weeks, but doing a big
bulk trip will cut back on the expense and amount you have to carry for
the other three weeks. Avoid buying on impulse at the bulk store too
— just because they sell a lot of it doesn’t mean
you’re saving, if you weren’t planning on buying it in the
first place.
Avoid trips to the corner store. Or the gas station! These are some of the most expensive stores. (Ranking right up there with airport stores.)
Try co-ops. You can often save a lot of money at these types of places for staples.
Consider shopping at two stores. There’s no
store with a monopoly on savings. Each has savings on different items
on different weeks. You might switch between two stores on alternate
weeks.
Think deep freeze. If you really want to save,
you’ll need a big freezer. Ask around — someone you know
might have a relatively new model they don’t need anymore. You
can use freezers to stock up on meat, frozen veggies, and similar
staples, and to freeze big batches of pasta, casseroles, and other
dinners you prepare ahead of time.
Use everything possible. Got a bunch of leftover
ingredients (half an onion, a bit of tomato, some pasta, a few other
veggies?) … combine them for a quick meal, so that these
don’t go to waste before your next grocery trip. The more you can
stretch the food, and the less you waste, the less you’ll spend
in the long run.
Don’t waste leftovers. Have a list on your
fridge of what leftovers are in there, so you don’t forget about
them. Plan a leftover night or two, so you’re sure to eat them
all. Pack them immediately for lunch, so they’re ready to take
the next morning.
Don’t buy junk food (or buy as little as possible).
Junk food not only costs a lot of money for about zero nutrition, but
it makes you and your family fat and kills you. Talk about a bad deal!
Opt for fruits and veggies instead.
Rain check. If an item is on sale but the store has run out of stock, ask for a rain check.
Go when the kids are in school. When you bring
kids, they will pester you and pester you until you buy some kind of
junk food. Even if you’re able to stick to your guns, it’s
not pleasant saying no 10 million times. In most cases, you’ll
save money shopping without the kids.
Go for whole foods. The processed kind is lacking
in nutrition and will make you fat. Look for things in their least
processed form — whole grain instead of white or wheat bread,
fresh fruit instead of canned or juice, whole grain cereal or oatmeal
instead of all other kinds of cereal. You get the idea.
Read labels. Look for trans fat, hydrogenated
oils, high amounts of sugar, saturated fat, lots of sodium,
cholesterol. Then avoid them like the plague. Look instead for fiber,
good fats, protein, vitamins, calcium.
Clean out your fridge. You’ve got stuff
growing in there and turning from solids to liquids. The leftovers have
begun to organize their own political party. Toss em out and make room
for the new.
Stick to your list. Avoid impulse buys. They are
almost always bad, and even if it’s just a couple dollars, they
will add up to $50-100 for a trip. Over the course of a year, that can
mean thousands. Tell yourself you will not buy anything that’s
not on your list unless it’s an absolute necessity (why
isn’t toilet paper on my darn list?).
Use store savings cards. These can add up to big savings over the long run.
Cut back on your restaurant eating. It’s
never cheaper or more nutritious than eating at home. Plan your dinners
(see above tip) and bring your lunches to work and save a ton of money.
Avoid frozen dinners or prepared entrees. Again, these cost way more and are usually much less nutritious.
Drink water. If you regularly drink iced tea,
Tang, sodas or other types of drinks, cut those out completely and just
drink water. It’s much better for you, and much cheaper.
Prepare your grocery list by aisle. If you
regularly shop at the same stores, organize your list so that you can
easily find and check off items as you walk down the aisle. We always
shop from right to left, so we’re not constantly running back and
forth in the store.
Get cloth grocery bags. You’ll save tons of plastic over time, and help the environment tremendously.
Pack healthy snacks for the kids. Whole wheat
crackers, popcorn, cut-up fruit, raisins, and other kid-friendly snacks
are much better than the junk you often see in kids’ lunches. And
cheaper.

Flip Your Karma: 8 Tricks to Turn the Bad Into the Awesome

2008-03-05T13:10:00.001-05:00

Another Post by Zen Habits

“Fall seven times, stand up eight.” - Japanese proverb

It’s inevitable: sometimes, life just doesn’t go your way.

Your schedule gets all messed up. You fail to follow your exercise plan. Someone is mean to you. You feel like quitting something. You want to curl into a little ball and cry.

Life deals out its blows, and leaves us discouraged, angry, frustrated, depressed, drained. And once we’re in that bad place, in a mood where we just don’t care about anything, it’s pretty hard to get out of it.

But let me share a little secret to happiness and self-improvement here: all that stuff? It’s just in your head.

Yeah, it sure doesn’t seem like it. It seems that the slings and arrows of life are all coming at us. It feels like we’re a failure. But it’s true. It’s all in your mind.

How can I trivialize horrible things that happen to you like that? By making it seem like a simple mental problem? Because that’s what it is, and once you realize that, you are liberated — you have the power to change your circumstances!

It’s not an easy task, I’ll give you that. It’s incredibly, monumentally hard. Changing your mind and changing your life is a mental hurdle worthy of the titans.

But it can be done. All it takes is a few mental tricks, and a lot of energy and willingness to keep an open mind.

“Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.” - Swedish proverb

Let me give you an example: for the last couple years, I’ve struggled with exercise. I actually enjoy running and working out, but there are days when I don’t feel like doing a thing, or when I feel under the weather, and those days can stretch out to a week and that week can stretch into a few weeks. And then I’ve fallen off the exercise wagon and it feels like I can’t get back on.

But then I use the first couple of tricks below, and my mindset changes. I switch on the positive attitude, and realize that my failure to exercise is actually just a stepping stone to fitness success. And looking back, I’ve had 6-7 of these failures, or stepping stones, and they’ve all led me further down the path to fitness. Today, I exercise almost every day, and I’m loving it.

The same is true of every other success I’ve had. This blog, for example, is a success in my eyes, but I’ve had points where I was discouraged by negative comments or emails. I flipped that discouragement around, however, and used the comments to help myself improve.

I had many failures along the way to eliminating my debt, but I made it there in the end, by not quitting. I have faced many tests of my patience and character, and failed not a few of those too. But through practice, I’ve gotten better, and while I’m not perfect, I know that I’ll only continue to improve if I keep the same mindset.

It’s all in your mind. Here are 8 tricks I use to turn anything bad into something truly awesome.

1. The power of positive thinking. I learned the power of positive thinking while I was quitting smoking, and I used the lessons of that challenge to help me with every other challenge I’ve faced since. Quitting smoking, as most smokers (and ex-smokers) know, is supremely difficult. There are many times throughout each day, in the first few weeks especially, when you feel like giving up. When you want just one cigarette (which leads to two …). When you just don’t see the point of all this suffering. And yet, if you realize that it’s just negative thinking, you can squash that negative thought like a little bug. Then replace it with a positive thought (I CAN do this!) and you’re back on the road to success. Recognize negative thoughts, squash them, and find positive thoughts to replace them. Works every time.

2. Failure is a stepping stone to success. This is what I tell myself every time I fall. I get up, dust myself off, and start again. Each failure shows you an obstacle you didn’t anticipate, and you can plan to beat that obstacle next time. Each failure brings you that much closer to winning. And you know what? Every single time I’ve told myself that, so far, it’s been true. I’ve succeeded. Getting back up is the main thing.

3. Practice patience. This is what I tell myself when I get frustrated, when someone is difficult, when I begin to lose my patience. First, I vent somehow (talking to a friend or my wife is one of the best ways for me). Then, I tell myself that this is a great way for me to practice my patience. Sometimes, I have to repeat this to myself like a mantra, but it works nonetheless.

4. Learning experience. Similar to the “stepping stone to success” trick above, but it can be used for anything, not just failure. If I make a mistake, if I make the wrong choice, if I have a bad day … I just see it as an opportunity to learn. Then I review it in my head, trying to figure out what went wrong, trying to learn from my mistakes. If you see learning as a wonderful thing, as I do, then you can see every mistake as a blessing.

5. Makes you stronger. “That which does not kill us only makes us stronger,” goes the famous saying. And while that’s not always true (sometimes we can be left weakened and ruined), I’ve found it to be true in most cases. Something is difficult? I will be a stronger person for having endured it. This has been the case for me when I went through problems as a teen-ager (I ran away from home and slept in Golden Gate Park in S.F.), when I went through a divorce seven years ago, when I had stressful and trying times at various jobs. I became a better person because of it.

6. Test of your character. I like tests and challenges. It motivates me to step up to another level, to see if I can meet the challenge. This is the case with my first marathon, which was very difficult for me (for various reasons). It wasn’t a particularly enjoyable experience for me, but I just saw it as a test. And when I passed that test, it was a joyous thing for me. This is true any time you go through a trying time — see it as a challenge, and try to meet that challenge. And when you do, you’ll feel great about yourself.

7. Turn the other cheek. Jesus said that instead of taking an eye for an eye, if someone hits you, just turn the other cheek. I don’t know many people who can meet this monumental challenge. I’ve tried it. It’s not easy, and the desire to avenge any wrongs is hard to quash. However, I believe that even making an effort at this will make you a better person. It goes not just for physical wrongs to you, but anything that anyone does to you. They call you a name? Thank them. There will be some people who say that you have to meet force with force, or people will walk all over you. To this I say, “Where does it end?” And I also say, “You are merely stooping to their level.” Rise above the pettiness of others, and become a better human being.

8. Love your enemy. I wrote about this recently as one of life’s greatest challenges, and it belongs on this list. When you have anger toward another human being, give this a try. If you succeed, to any degree whatsoever, you will rejoice in this success. It is a miraculous thing.

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” - Winston Churchill

20 Things I Wish I Had Known When Starting Out in Life

2008-02-18T08:16:00.004-05:00

By Zen Habits

“Everything has been figured out, except how to live.” - Jean-Paul Sartre

I’m nearly 35 years old, and I’ve made my share of mistakes in my life. I’m not a big believer in regrets … and I have learned tremendously from every single mistake … and my life is pretty great.

However, there are a few things I wish I had known when I was graduating from high school and starting out as an adult in life.

Would I change things? I’m not so sure. I might never have gotten into a mountain of debt, but then I wouldn’t have learned the amazing satisfaction of getting out of it. I might have made better career choices, but then I wouldn’t have all the work experience that makes me the blogger and writer that I am today.

I might not have gotten married that first time, so that I would never have gotten divorced … but then I wouldn’t have my first two beautiful wonderful incredible children from that first marriage.

I don’t think I would change any of that. However, looking back, there are some lessons I’ve learned that I would probably tell my 18-year-old self. Do I share them now to share my regrets? No, I share them in hopes that younger men and women, just starting out in life, can benefit from my mistakes and my lessons.

What follows isn’t an exhaustive list, but it’s one that I hope proves useful to at least a few people.

“I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it.” - Jack Handey

1. How to control impulse spending. If there’s anything that got me in trouble financially, it’s impulse spending. Buying clothes when I don’t need them. Buying gadgets because I gotta have them. Ordering stuff online because it’s so easy. Buying that new shiny SUV because … well, because it was going to help me with women. I’m not proud of any of that. I’ve learned to control my impulses, at least a little better. Now, I give myself some time to breathe. I think over my purchases, see if I’ve got the money, think about whether it’s a need or a want. That would have been a useful tool 15 years ago.

2. You gotta stay active. I was in track, cross country and basketball in high school, but once I started college, the running and basketball began to slowly fade away. Not right away — I played pick-up basketball for years after high school. But even that went away, until I became sedentary. Playing with my kids outdoors winded me. And I began to get fat. I’ve reversed that trend, and am very active now, but I’m still trying to burn the fat I gained in those inactive years.

3. How to plan finances. I always knew that I was supposed to budget and track my spending, when I became an adult. I just was too lazy to do it. And I didn’t have a good idea of how to actually do it. Now, I’ve learned how to plan, and how to stick to that plan. Sure, I deviate from my plan, but I’ve learned how to handle that too. Maybe that’s not a skill you can learn from book reading. You just gotta practice. Well, I hope to teach it to my children before they go out on their own.

4. Junk food will come back to bite you in the butt. Yeah, it wasn’t just the sedentary lifestyle that got me fat. It was all the damn junk food too. I would eat pizza and burgers and Twinkies and sugar cereal and desserts and donuts and … well, you get the picture. As someone used to being able to eat whatever I wanted, it never seemed like it would be a problem. Bad health was something to worry about when you got old. Well, my jeans began to get way too tight, and to my horror, I climbed several pants sizes and developed a gut that only now is going away. I wish someone had shown me an “after” picture when I was young and downing the Big Gulp sodas.

5. Smoking is just dumb. I didn’t start smoking until I was well into my adult years. I won’t go into why I started, but it didn’t seem like a problem, because I knew I could quit anytime I wanted. Or I thought I could, at least, until several years later I gave it a go and couldn’t do it. Five failed quits later and I realized with horror that my addiction was stronger than I was. Sure, I eventually beat the habit (quit date: Nov. 18, 2005) but it took a piece of my soul to do it.

6. Fund your retirement, son. And don’t withdraw it. This piece of wisdom, and probably all the ones above, might seem blisteringly obvious. And they are. Don’t think I didn’t know this when I was 18. I did. I just didn’t pay it serious attention. Retirement was something I could worry about when I was in my 30s. Well, I’m in my 30s now and I wish I could slap that little 18-year-old Leo around a bit. What money I could have invested by now! I had a retirement plan, but on the 3 occasions when I changed jobs, I withdrew that and spent it frivolously.

7. All the stuff you’re doing that seems hard — it will be of use. This is the first one that might not be as obvious. There were times in my life when work was hard, and I did it anyway, but hated it. I did it because I had to, but boy did it stress me out and leave me exhausted. Hard work isn’t as easy as I wanted it to be. But you know what? Every bit of hard work I did without knowing why I was doing it … it’s paid off for me in the long run. Maybe not right away, but I’m using skills and habits I learned during those times of high stress and long hours and tedious work — I use them all the time, and they’ve made me into the person I am today. Thank you, younger Leo!

8. Don’t buy that used van without checking it out closely. I thought I was being smart by buying used, but I didn’t check it out carefully enough. That dang van had loads of engine problems, a door that nearly fell off when I was driving, a door handle that snapped off, a side mirror that fell off, no spare tire despite three tires that were ready to blow (and did), windows that didn’t roll up, rattling noises, an eventual blown radiator … I could go on and on, but let’s just say that it wasn’t my best purchase. I still think buying used is smart, but check things out closely first.

9. That guy you’re going to sell your car to? On a gentleman’s agreement? He’s not gonna pay you. I sold another car to a friend of a friend, who I was sure would pay me even if I had nothing in writing. That was smart. I still see the guy once in awhile on the road, but I don’t have the energy to do a U-turn and chase after him.

10. Make time to pursue your passion, no matter how busy you are. I’ve always wanted to be a writer, and get a book published. I just never had time to write. With a family and school and a full-time job, there just weren’t enough hours in the day. Well, I’ve learned that you have to make those hours. Set aside a block of time to do what you love, cut out other stuff from your life that take up your time, and don’t let anything interfere with that work. If I had done that 15 years ago, I could have 15 books written by now. Not all would be great, but still.

11. All that stuff that’s stressing you out — it won’t matter in 5 years, let alone 15. When things are happening to you right now, they mean all the world. I had deadlines and projects and people breathing down my neck, and my stress levels went through the roof. I don’t regret the hard work (see above) but I think I would have been less stressed if I could have just realized that it wouldn’t matter a single bit just a few years down the road. Perspective is a good thing to learn.

12. The people you make friends with are so much more important than your job or the things you buy. I’ve had a few jobs, I’ve bought a lot of things, and I’ve made a few friends over these last 15 years. Of those, the only thing that still matter to me are the friends. And I wish I could have spent more time with friends (and family) than on the other things.

13. All that time you spend watching TV is a huge, huge waste of time. I don’t know how much TV I’ve watched over the years, but it’s a crapload. Hours and days and weeks I’ll never have back. Who cares what happens on reality TV, when reality is slipping by outside? Time is something you’ll never get back — don’t waste it on TV.

14. Your kids are going to grow up way faster than you think. Don’t waste a minute. I just had an Oh My God moment recently. My oldest daughter, Chloe, is 14 going on 15 next month. I have 3 years left with her before she leaves my house and becomes an adult. Three years! I am floored by that single fact, because it really doesn’t seem anywhere near enough time. I want to go back to my younger self and whack that younger Leo on the head and say Stop working so hard! Stop watching TV! Spend more time with your kids! These last 15 years with Chloe (and my other wonderful kids) have gone by much, much too fast.

15. Forget the drama. Focus on being happy. There have been many things that have happened to me, professionally and personally, that seem like the end of the world. And while these things were bad, they get blown up in our heads so that they become major drama. They caused me to be depressed from time to time. What a waste of time. If I realized that it was all in my head, and that I could be happy instead if I focused on the positive, on what I did have, and what I could be doing … I could have skipped all the moping about.

16. Pay more attention to blogs when you first hear about them. They’re more than just journals. I first read about blogs 7-8 years ago, but when I took a look at them they didn’t seem like anything of interest. Just some people’s journals about stuff they read on the web. Why would I want to read those? I have my own thoughts about the web, but I don’t need to share them with the world. I spent a lot of time on the Internet, on various sites and forums, but every time I happened upon a blog I would brush past it without interest. It wasn’t until a couple years ago that I discovered what wonderful things they could be (I mentioned some of my early favorites in my list of influences). If I had gotten into blogging years ago … well, I wouldn’t have been wasting all that time.

17. Speaking of which, keep a journal. Seriously. Your memory is extremely faulty. I forget things really easily. Not short-term stuff, but long-term. I don’t remember things about my kids’ early years, because I didn’t record any of it. I don’t remember things about my life. It’s like a lot of foggy memories that I’ll never have access to. I wish I had kept a journal.

18. Tequila is seriously evil. I won’t go into details, but it should suffice to say that I had some bad experiences, and I’m not sure I learned very much from them or benefited in any way except to learn that tequila is the drink of the Devil.

19. Yes, you can do a marathon. Don’t put this goal off — it’s extremely rewarding. Running a marathon had always been a dream of mine, since high school … something I wanted to do but thought was out of reach. Or if I ever did it, it would be years and years later. Well, I learned that it’s not only achievable, it’s incredibly rewarding. I wish I had started training when I was young and light and fit … I could have had some good finishing times!

20. All these mistakes you’re going to make, despite this advice? They’re worth it. My 18-year-old self would probably have read this post and said, “Good advice!” And then he would have proceeded to make the same mistakes, despite good intentions. I was a good kid, but I wasn’t good at following advice. I had to make my own mistakes, and live my own life. And that’s what I did, and I don’t regret a minute of it. Every experience I’ve had (even the tequila ones) have led me down the path of life to where I am today. I love where I am today, and wouldn’t trade it for another life for all the world. The pain, the stress, the drama, the hard work, the mistakes, the depression, the hangovers, the debt, the fat … it was all worth it.

“Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.” - Mark Twain

The Choice-Minimal Lifestyle: 6 Formulas for More Output and Less Overwhelm

2008-02-07T09:40:00.000-05:00

From Tim Ferriss author of: The four hour work week, look here.

I was stressed out… over dog cartoons.

It was 9:47pm at Barnes and Noble on a recent Saturday night, and I had 13 minutes to find a suitable exchange for “The New Yorker Dog Cartoons,” $22 of expensive paper. Bestsellers? Staff recommends? New arrivals or classics? I’d already been there 30 minutes.

Beginning to feel overwhelmed with a ridiculous errand I’d expected to take five minutes, I stumbled across the psychology section. One tome jumped out at me as all too appropriate—The Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen or read Barry Schwarz’s 2004 classic, but it seemed like a good time to revisit the principles, among them that:

-The more options you consider, the more buyer’s regret you’ll have.
-The more options you encounter, the less fulfilling your ultimate outcome will be.

This raises an difficult question: Is it better to have the best outcome but be less satisfied, or have an acceptable outcome and be satisfied?

For example, would you rather deliberate for months and get the 1 of 20 houses that’s the best investment but second-guess yourself until you sell it 5 years later; or would you rather get a house that is 80% of the investment potential of the former (still to be sold at a profit) but never second-guess it?

Tough call.

One call wasn’t tough: he recommends making non-returnable purchases. I decided to keep the stupid pooch cartoons. Why? Because it’s not just about being satisfied, it’s about being practical.

Income is renewable, but some other resources—like attention—are not. I’ve talked before about attention as a currency and how it determines the value of time.

The Art of Letting Bad Things Happen explores this using case studies, but here’s one example to illustrate: is your weekend really “free” if you find a crisis in the inbox Saturday morning that you can’t address until Monday morning?

Even if the inbox scan lasts 30 seconds, the preoccupation and forward projection for the subsequent 48 hours effectively deletes that experience from your life. You had time but you didn’t have attention, so the time had no practical value.

The choice-minimal lifestyle becomes an attractive tool when we consider two truths:

1) Considering options costs attention that then can’t be spent on action or present-state awareness.

2) Attention is necessary for not only productivity but appreciation.

Therefore:

Too many choices = less or no productivity
Too many choices = less or no appreciation
Too many choices = sense of overwhelm

Some people find that religion enables a practical choice-minimal lifestyle, as tenets often limit the number of possible actions. During his year of attempting to follow the rules of the Bible literally, the then-agnostic AJ Jacobs of Esquire cited the rules and restrictions of the Bible as amazing in this respect. Not having to consider a wide spectrum of options or actions—as he was following immutable if-then rules—allowed him to focus undiluted attention on the areas that weren’t constrained. The result? Increased output.

Even though I attended an Episcopal high school, I’m not religious in the common sense (and I don’t use the term “spiritual”), so this approach isn’t mine.

What to do? There are 6 basic rules or formulas that can be used, regardless of denomination.

1. Set rules for yourself so you can automate as much decision-making as possible (see the rules I use to outsource my e-mail to Canada as an example of this)

2. Don’t provoke deliberation before you can take action.

One simple example: don’t scan the inbox on Friday evening or over the weekend if you might encounter work problems that can’t be addressed until Monday.

3. Don’t postpone decisions or open “loops,” to use GTD parlance, just to avoid uncomfortable conversations.

If an acquaintance asks you if you want to come to their house for dinner next week, and you know you won’t, don’t say “I’m not sure. I’ll let you know next week.” Instead, use something soft but conclusive like “Next week? I’m pretty sure I have another commitment on Thursday, but thank you for the invite. Just so I don’t leave you hanging, let’s assume I can’t make it, but can I let you know if that changes?” Decision made. Move on.

4. Learn to make non-fatal or reversible decisions as quickly as possible.

Set time limits (I won’t consider options for more than 20 minutes), option limits (I’ll consider no more than 3 options), or finance thresholds (Example: If it costs less than $100 [or the potential damage is less than $100], I’ll let a virtual assistant make the judgment call or consider no more than 3 options).

I wrote most of this post after landing at the monster that is ATL airport in Atlanta. I could have considered half a dozen types of ground transportation in 15 minutes and saved 30-40%, but I grabbed a taxi instead. To use illustrative numbers: I didn’t want to sacrifice 10 attention units of my remaining 50 of 100 total potential units, since those 10 units couldn’t then be spent on this article. I had about 8 hours before bedtime due to time zone differences—plenty of time—but scarce usable attention after an all-nighter of fun and the cross-country flight. Fast decisions preserve usable attention for what matters.

5. Don’t strive for variation—and thus increase option consideration—when it’s not needed. Routine enables innovation where it’s most valuable.

In working with athletes, for example, it’s clear that those who maintain the lowest bodyfat percentage eat the same foods over and over with little variation. I’ve eaten the same “slow carb” breakfast and lunch for nearly two years, putting variation only into meals that I focus on for enjoyment: dinner and all meals on Saturdays. This same routine-variation distinction can be found in exercise vs. recreation. For fat-loss and muscle gain (even as much as 34 lbs. in four weeks), I’ve followed the same time-minimal exercise protocol with occasional experiments since 1996. For recreation, however, where the focus is enjoyment and not efficacy, I tend to try something new each weekend, whether climbing at Mission Cliffs in SF or mountain biking from tasting to tasting in Napa.

Don’t confuse what should be results-driven with routine (e.g. exercise) with something enjoyment-driven that benefits from variation (e.g. recreation).

6. Regret is past-tense decision making. Eliminate complaining to minimize regret.

Condition yourself to notice complaints and stop making them with a simple program like the 21-day no-complaint experiment. Just a bracelet and awareness can prevent wasted past-tense deliberation that improves nothing and depletes your attention and emotional reserves.

###

Decision-making isn’t to be avoided—that’s not the problem. Look at a good CEO or top corporate performer and you’ll see a high volume of decisions.

It’s deliberation—the time we vacillate over and consider each decision—that’s the attention consumer. Total deliberation time, not the number of decisions, it was determines your attention bank account balance (or debt).

Let’s assume you pay 10% over time by following the above rules but cut your average “decision cycle” time by an average of 40% (10 minutes reduced to 6 minutes, for example). No only will you have much more time and attention to spend on revenue-generating activities, but you’ll get greater enjoyment from what you have and experience. Consider that 10% of additional cost as an investment and part of your “ideal lifestyle tax,” but not as a loss.

Embrace the choice-minimal lifestyle. It’s a subtle and underexploited philosophical tool that produces dramatic increases in both output and satisfaction, all with less overwhelm.

Make testing a few of the principles the first of many fast and reversible decisions.

Darn funny

2008-01-25T14:12:00.001-05:00

moar funny pictures

Please Check out

2008-01-18T16:21:00.000-05:00

My wife is an incredible writer. She will be writing about whatever seems important to her at the time. I'm sure this will include some of the happenings from our family. Please check out shout.out.loud
She is the best thing to ever happen to me. I love her immensely.

I think this speaks for itself

2007-03-15T10:58:00.000-04:00

Transitional Times...

2007-01-15T16:06:00.000-05:00

Well it has been an emotional and strange time for me over the last few months. I have (as of this weekend) moved into a house that I designed and had a friend build. This marks the first time that I have ever lived away from home. Granted this may seem very insignificant to most anyone who has spent even a semester away from their family at college but I haven't. I moved all of my furniture and posessions into the house and they are not coming home. I have been so busy that I haven't even had time to think about what it would be like once I moved in. I just started grabing stuff and loading it up as if it were another thing on the list that I needed to mark off. As I was getting ready to jump into my car to make the first of many runs between my parents house and my "new" house" I gave my mother a hug. I couldn't see her face but I knew this hug was like a hug I hadn't gotten in a very long time. She hugged me very hard, she didn't want to let go and neither did I. She cried and told me that she was happy for me and understood that I needed to go but that didn't make it any easier. I hate to see my mother cry. I will be the first to admit that I love my mom more than anything. I would do anything for her. My dad was upset too but both of us played it off like men do. We kind of puched each other and grunted but it meant the world to me. I love everything about my dad as well. He is the (earthly) person that I look to and wish I could live more like. I don't know what I would do without either of them. They are so much wiser than I feel like I will ever be. Even still I shoot for what they have been able to accomplish with their lives and use that as a yardstick against my own accomplishments.

My brother was right there by my side through most of the day of moving furniture back and forth. My brother is someone that I look to for inspiration when I don't feel like going for it any more. He is an incredibly hard worker and the word that pops into mind about him is integrity. He is younger than I am but has more character than most people develop in a lifetime. He has always been by my side. We surf together whenever we can and those are the times that I love the most.I love him just as much as my parents. The strange thing is that we couldn't be more opposite. He is very methodical and detailed and I am very layed back in my approach to things. It works out well though and I know that we will have a long life of helping each other out with our weaknesses.

This is a new time in our lives but it isn't a step down. Just a different direction.
I love my family.

O.K. so I know that I am awful at...

2006-11-03T14:35:00.000-05:00

keeping up with my blog. I have excuses that no one cares to hear about, however, since this is MY blog I will blog about them (my excuses) and you will like it.

1. I work alot (so does everyone else in my company)
2. I am in the middle of building a house (Ask anyone who has ever done it and you will hear from all of them that this is pretty darn time consuming)
3. In addition to my day job I also work out of my house designing homes which is another 10 to 15 hours per week on top of my already 45 - 50 hour day job.
4. I am dating a wonderful woman (no comment) :)
5. When I get down time the last thing I feel like doing is looking at a computer even more. (hence no updated blogs) :(
6. Something else (I'm sure that I forgot something so I am including an honorary #6)

I doubt that this will pacify any and all of you that are beating down my door asking for more blog material... but it is something.

Can you think of any thing cooler???

2006-10-11T17:01:00.000-04:00

All I have to say is...

2006-10-03T08:33:00.000-04:00

Life is good.

Boundless Online Mag

2006-09-14T08:54:00.000-04:00

I just saw this website on... wait for it...
Myspace.com!!!
You had to know that was coming. Anyway check out Boundless online Mag. I thought it was pretty cool that an Christian site was on Myspace. I didn't dig to deep on the site since I am hard at work ;) however it does look pretty cool on the surface...

Danny Devito...

2006-08-25T12:19:00.000-04:00

This blog is for Ashley. She can throw stuff like this together faster than you can say "Pot Luck dinner".
This probbly sounds strange to just about everyone reading this.

Sitting for exercise anyone...

2006-08-24T08:46:00.000-04:00

O.K. so the last several weeks I have been doing this brand new, revolutionary, change your life type of exercise while not even having to travel any sort of distance. It is called spinning. You might say it's just like riding a bike in place. Well that is because you are just riding a bike in place, however, there is a little bit more to it than that. It is a wicked good (Boston coming out there) workout. I semi dread going but once I go I really like it and can't wait until the next class. My clothes are completely soaked after every session with sweat because it just works you that good. There is loud techno music to give you some rythm to pedal to.
You have hill climb segments and you have sprint segments. I don't so much mind the sprints however I despise the hill climbs. You cannot feel you quads or your toes after about the first five minutes and the thing lasts for an hour plus!
If you are looking for a cool workout, I suggest spinning for sure. It is low impact which is a good thing for me since I have a bad knee and can't run nearly as much as I would like to.

P.S. - This is a shout out to Gillie for teaching a killer class and wanting me to blog more so here ya go...

Quote of the Day

2006-08-09T21:54:00.000-04:00

"I can't wait for Chinese (food) tonight... I'm, like, pretty sure that I'm mostly Chinese..."
-the ditzy blonde girl standing behind me in Wendys